Why we all deserve the best out of life
From "The inwarders” podcast episode n°25, available on major Apps or via: https://www.theinwarders.com/podcast
In “Why we all deserve the best out of life” I share with you the recent insight I had while experiencing the feeling of unworthiness.
Some of you might already know that I wrote a children book. I relate here the story of how that book was created, just using it as an example to show how I realized the unaddressed feeling of unworthiness or not deserving within me.
Back in October 2018, during one of my meditations, my mind was surprisingly empty. So I have no doubt that the book I was inspired to write is not mine. It literally got dropped in my mind. There was no thinking process or any idea to create a children book to start with. At least not consciously.
When I opened my eyes again, I quickly wrote the story in my note book. The impression or feeling of that story had to be translated into words. When I typed it on my computer, I realized it was a Children Story. My thought was I never intended to write a children book so I just let it on my computer and forgot about it.
A couple of months later, by chance I run into the Hong Kong Artist Tina Chan, in my own building. We spoke about kids and it is only the second time we met that I realized not only she was an artist, a painter, but she could illustrate too. The book came back to my mind and quickly we started to have regular cappuccinos while working on the e-book version of “The Shining Star and the Boy” which was first published in May 2020.
It was clear to me the book was a gift from God who made everything available to me so I could get the book done. The story carries on and on. Up to this moment, where I have fully illustrated a paperback version of the book, ready to be published. Let me rectify, the book is ready to be published. Not me.
After a few calls with a US based publisher, I found out I could not only publish the book in a few months but I could launch it big. For example, by being a guest on one of the most popular US radio shows. Which is what precisely triggered a huge resistance within.
So, here is what I found:
My first conscious though was I shouldn’t spend that money to market the book.
But it wasn’t about the money. It was about resisting something.
The resistance was a feeling of unworthiness. My mind was going wild telling me all the reasons why this book wasn’t mine and I didn’t deserve to publish it.
By staying present to myself, I could observe those thoughts and the resistance to the feeling of unworthiness. Not very pleasant I can assure you.
Until another thought came in. Who is unworthy? Clearly my Ego-Mind / Ego-Self.
But from Being, from the Presence within, there is no worthy or unworthiness.
That’s when I realized, the book was always mine. The Ego-Self was clearly aware it cannot create anything. All creations and inspirations come from Being. Regardless of being aware of it or not.
So I was literally refusing a present from Being, to prevent a feeling to be felt.
The idea of deserving something doesn’t even make sense at all!
The Ego-Mind is trying to limit what we create and receive from our Being.
All that I have learned before, as information, became knowledge when I could directly experience how all those years, I was discarding my own creations (from the Being) with limiting believe.
Let me explain again:
When we identify with our Ego-Mind we attach belief to what we can or cannot accept based on our social class, education, culture, etc. The moment we become aware of our Being, the Presence within that we all are, the limits we put on ourselves do not make sense.
It’s like when you have created something from your own hands and you know for sure that it is yours. But you forget about it and start saying that you do not deserve that thing you created. This is what we do to ourselves.
Depending on the degree of identification with our Presence, we can even consider it is not a gift from Being, we just created from God’s Presence, as God’s self. The reason I speak about gift is because I still identify quite a lot with my Ego-Mind. If you haven’t listened to episode n° 7 on “Why what we identify with matters” that might be helpful to listen to it now.
Over the years, I went from different phases of identifications:
Through self-help books, I was repeating the positive affirmation “I deserve the best from life” while identifying with my body and mind. This is effective only a fraction of the time.
Then, I have learned to re-write the belief of not deserving, still at the body mind level. I presented to my mind reasons why I actually deserve the best. It is only efficient while we are conscious, which at the time, I was not.
Then, I became aware of the Presence within and observed my thoughts and feelings of not deserving at all, not trying to fix or change this experience.
Until, I identified (at least for a time long enough) with the Presence within to know for certain that Being not only deserve it all, (right, would you say there is anything in this World God doesn’t deserve?, no), but that question about deserving to receive something doesn’t have any sense? When we create, it is already ours.
Today, I share that personal experience with you as I am pretty sure I am not the only one with thoughts and feelings to not deserve or be worthy of what life has to offer. I might be the only one to voice it out…but not to experience it.
By becoming more present to ourselves the next time it happens, we can actually realize that Being is all deserving and we are part of Being or God’s self. Putting restrictions on us, based on race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, age, education, wealth, place of birth, skills and abilities, etc, etc, doesn’t make sense at all. We are the only one who can stop that non sense for ourselves. And it starts with going inward.
Resources from this episode:
- Serie n° 7 about “Why what we identify with matters”: https://www.theinwarders.com/podcast/episode/431ca505/07-what-we-identify-with-matters
- Tina Chan HK Exhibition: https://www.jtia.hk/en/exh_chans/
- Tina Chan Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arttinachan/
- Episode script: https://www.theinwarders.com/blog-1
- Contact Annabelle via www.theinwarders.com or Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the_inwarders/
- Book a free coaching session with Mikan van Zanten at www.iammikan.com
- Mikan van Zanten YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPkxDhTTsZrV-oZVG_A57Xw
#theinwarders #podcastscript #goinginward #acknowledgefeelings #restrictingbelieves #consciousness #lawofattraction